all the things you dream and fantasize

2010-05-18T16:07:00.003+08:00

i am hoping to feel better in time but i've yet to feel better. adam asked me if i have recovered and i lied to him that i am feeling okay. honestly, this few days i have friends to keep me company and and take him away from my mind. but whenever i get home, i know i havent even spend a lil bit of my time trying to forget what had actually happened.

this few days, i have been hanging out with adam quite a fair bit. we talked about our past very often..i always conclude that we will always end up the same way even if we meet later in our lives..according to him, he believe we met at the wrong time.

as much as he was so screwed up in the past, not without a doubt, he was with me and trying to make me feel better. when he knew that darren and me broke up, he was having dinner with kirstie, his ex-fianace. he cut short his dinner and brought me out to drink. a series of things happened which ended up with the most hilarious laughter.

i feel like going to jb and makan! i wanna eat the cereal crayfish! yummmmie. you know what? maybe i will tell adam and he might just bring me there. i am evil. adam just did one of those sweetest things these few days.. 谢谢你啦, 老公! (there is a big story about this hubby, right sharlene?)

ohh, i've decided to buy a ring and wear it on my ring finger and start telling people that i'm married. i've enough of everything.

2010-05-03T15:45:00.008+08:00

"...and while i know, based on my track record

i might not seem like the safest bet

all i'm asking you, is don't write me off, just yet..."

i wish you could call me more often, tell me that you actually miss me so much.

work is like the usual, i get to go home early 'cause my team always finished our work faster than expected. i'm also out pretty often these days. the wrath of mr_adam elevated me to another level of alcoholism, i never knew i could drink on that a regular basis. ROAR***

it's salsa class this evening, i haven't signed up for the advanced classes. like wushu (so inspired after watchin ip man) and s_x, everything needs practise and experiences lah! beside waking up for work, i hardly wake up for anything else. also, penning down my thoughts is so foreign to me now.

oh, i wanna pen down my casino experiences. like what actually happened day in, day out. will i infrigned with the company rules and regulations? hmmm.. perhaps, i can keep it as a private blog. *hiak hiak* so evil

for those who doesn't know, i'm attached since 11apr and i am comtemplating on this relationship. are we too old or are we too used to being single? confusion of him and me happens all the time in my mind. recently, we have been talking alot about him leaving singapore for macau again. i don't think i will be leaving with him as it's too risky.

maybe growing apart will help us leave each other when the time comes. urgh! fuck. i hate the getting out and getting in a relationship.

2009-12-25T21:40:00.002+08:00

"...我想我是太过依赖在挂电话的刚才

坚持学单纯的小孩静静看守这份爱

知道不能太依赖怕你会把我宠坏

你的香味一直徘徊我舍不得离开..."

it's christmas and it's joy to the world, 'cause Jesus came and died on the cross for everyone's sin. i hoped i will always remember the true meaning of christmas. it's also the joy of giving.

it has been a pretty relaxing day for me, staying at home to rest and trying to catch on my sleep as well. i am thinkin of going to jakarta again and this time, i wanna go bundung. i am going there to do factory outlet shopping.

i am considering if i should even tell kevin that i am going away...i was supposed to ask him along when i am going..but the thing is... isit too fast for me to ask him at all. i was thinking...when he ask me what am i doing for the weekend, den i will tell him that i am going away.

in any case, i also wouldnt know how comfortable am i going to be with him. i have been taking initative to text him and i start to think that it's weird. he is sucha good catch, i would suppose he already married like many years ago. oh well, i met him alil too late. our path crossed but we dont seem to cross in the right way.

my new work should be starting really soon.. i am lookin forward to it. i am not sure how isit going to be like.. but hopefully, all will turn out fine. i miss having a boyfriend and i miss sharing my life with someone i love. big sigh..and shake shake shake heads. someone, please gimme a hug.

2009-10-21T11:44:00.002+08:00

"...you leave me breathless

you're everything good in my life

you leave me breathless

i still can't believe that you're mine

you just walked out of one of my dreams

so beautiful you're leaving me

breathless..."

breathless by shayne ward

let's recap! yesterdae, i was damn late for meeting, i got a red alert warning from edmund that i shouldnt be late anymore. hence, sharlene accompany me to buy an alarm clock before i went off on my own for facial. after facial, i went home to do my things and i met gary. we went around orcahrd to check out blackberry data plan and iphone plans. i will welcome him to the bb gang like...next week. i am looking forward.

sharlene, kayla and me...we went to acid bar for a short drinks and we headed home about 12ish. i was telling sharlene that i am single for like 2yrs already. the last time, i remembered i was only single for 3mths, longest. this is a all time record! i hope this record doesnt go too long.

suppose to wake up at 8ish to go swimming and prepare to meeting sharlene at bugis for photo shoot and plan for ritzy. ohhh, with the aid of the alarm clock, i din manage to wake up! i think i am beyond cure..and super horrible. i need to make adjustments in my life.

aiight. i've two hours before i go and meet sharlene. i need to shower and prepare documents for ritzy. gotta go now! see you guys later. love you!

2009-10-14T00:45:00.002+08:00

things that i like to do with someone i like, be it friends or boyfriend.

spend the day at an amusement park

talk over iced coffees at your favorite café

share a romantic dinner on the beach

spend the day window shopping together.

spend the day playing at the park.

play a game of miniature golf.

take a moonlit stroll.

enjoy a concert in the park together.

have fun in the pool together.
watch a favorite sports team play live.

i was having dinner with joyce at the regular kopitiam and the very friendly uncle who sell carrot cake, who is also the boss of the kopitiam, came up to me and did some palm reading for me. it was rather interesting and he made quite a few correct points about me... here it goes..

1. blood circulation no good

2. dont know how to lie or when i lie, i get confuse inside out

3. i dont drink enough water

4. i speak too directly

5. my boyfriend cannot "sway" when he is with me. (reason: i dont "sway" so he can't.)

either..the uncle can read my palm or he can decipher what kinda person am i. he is a nice folk and i always enjoy his company whenever i am at the kopitiam. i would love to meet more people like him. they understand and know the real meaning to happiness. he is a sweetheart! i believe he will sweep me off my feet if i was living in his era. (haha, what a way to put it)

"...you call me a stranger

you say I'm a danger

but all these thoughts are leaving you tonight

i'm broke and abandoned

you are an angel

making all my dreams come true tonight..."

-stranger by secondhand serenade-

2009-10-13T12:16:00.002+08:00

i am so not well from the interior to the exterior. i wanna go into coma and just let time pass...while i really get my mood swing and depression figure out. i want to indulge in my sadness, swim in my depression. simply said, it's like taking a break from living my life right now.

yesterday, i went swimming with sharlene. while i was on my 5th lap, i wanted to stop, close my eyes and go into coma...or walk into a different realms where i can feel safe or not be resorted to pressure of life. i always thought, moving my life up and to the next level, get myself new committment, giving myself new status will natural make me happy. i guessed, i will be happy after i own all those...perhaps, what i hate the most is this part, i have to WAIT for approval form hdb, WAIT for my new work to start.

stephanie and shaun spoke so much last night. after talking so much..what makes me so depress is because i let gary down. gary is fucking, fucking, mother-fucking important to me.

all i can tell myself is to get myself together and focus on things i've to focus. i shoud be happy with my life already. babe, it's c o n t e n t m e n t.

2009-10-11T19:01:00.002+08:00

i am quitting drinking. slowly..

2009-10-10T02:12:00.002+08:00

you msn-ed me, "stylo la u. ask edmund out eh?" now, i am thinking if you're retarded or what. i remembered edmund commented that we should come for drinks together...and so i got him to join gary and me at timbre. what's the issue now? (like, i din ask you to come to timbre with us?)

honey, you're the busy one with many of your other flowers. plus, you're really hostile to me after everything had happened..what do you expect me to do?

it wasnt that hard getting over you neither it is that easy. so, if you're unhappy with the fact that i am talking to edmund..i will keep a distance from him, from you as well. keeping a distance from edmund means i respect you...keeping a distance from you means...you're not good for me.

dont freak me out with all the rubbish. i am easy-going and i hope you're still the same. good night, love.

2009-10-09T11:53:00.003+08:00

last night, leonard called me and we spoke over the phone about his problem with his girl. i am happy for him because he is making sound decisions with regards to his relationship issue. perhaps, like what others say, leonard changed. after the conversation, i feel that he has transformed into someone more responsible, more appreciative and he also learn to cherish. keep up the good work, leo. you will get what you want when you put effort into it (:

i wished, i wished..things would be better or rather, things can turn out better. i looked as if it doesn't bother me anymore, i know deep down, it's irritaing the hell out of me. i don't feel pain in this...i feel sad. i feel sad that we cannot put a smile on each other's face in a special way. for now, i am just going to be close until someone comes along with a better package.

ohhh! last night, i was at timbre with three other men (mr_ta / mr_to/ mr_c). mr_ta and mr_c, lately got all their contacts wiped out due to certain reasons...and they were grumbling about them losing SOME girl's contact. i told them.. it's a good thing that they got all their contacts wiped out...'cause it's time to look for new ones. for me or for them, i don't know. i just wanna see new female faces. and what amazed me was...what are the issue that can get a man grumbling. HAHA.

this is another. mr_ta had to leave to go meet another girl and i am left with mr_c and mr_to. we were on the topic on swaying even if they are in a relationship or married. reason: sex is not good, so find something to replace the sex and your life is perfect! i was asking them...if man is being represented by a body part and it will be the head...what would woman be? mr_to replied, "the ass!" it's all about pleasure, man." how wonderful! is it a taboo that man will not marry woman who is of a good person and sex is great? this interest me so much..got me thinking about..swaying after getting married. and i thought to myself, get married for fuck!?!

maybe adam is right about marriage is just a piece of paper. so what's marriage all about? have someone to bring along for company DnD and tell people..."hey, i've a wife yea..so cool, so stable, you know." has marriage already evolved to become an accessory for you to look more charming? *blink blink*

afterall is said.. i still love man and their provoking behaviour. HAHA. i am sick, so are you. (unless you're gay.)

"..i'm open
you're closed
where I follow
you'll go
i worry
i won't see your face
light up again..."
-collide by howie day-

2009-10-07T14:35:00.003+08:00

perhaps, when you've experienced the mother-father-grandmother-grandfather of all pain, you are definitely stronger than before. am i moving on already or am i waiting for something to happen? seriously, i ain't sure yet. i think i still need time to figure out and a new man to step foot into my life. *shrug

monday, i hung out at gary's office and, of course, adam is there too. there are a mixtures of emotions and thoughts that not one vocabulary can simply express how it feels. it's neither complicated nor simple.

i met a he-shall-not-be-named-friend last evening. he is struggling so hard with life and he is holding so strongly to it. i admire his courage and his love for his love ones. he did not make the mistake but ended up, he had to make ammendments for it. i take my hat off him. he is really a good man and my girlfriend is blind. boy, you're an angel.

i will stand by you!

life goes on with or without you. the earth will never stop rotating and i am still here for you. when you close your eyes, feel your heart, and when your tears is falling, i promise, i will be there to catch you when you fall.

2009-10-06T00:28:00.004+08:00

when i saw your msn nick...it hurts so much, instantanously, i knew you're back with your girl already. i would supposed that things are going well with your gf and you. i guessed i should feel happy for you that your world is starting to piece nicely all over again.

i battled with myself, i tried so hard not to msn you but you made the choice to strike a conversation with me. we had such fun over the internet..but when we saw each other, we dont seem to have much to converse. we became friends overnight...like someone splash water over our fireworks.

i wouldn't say i am not happy neither i am happy about how things turn out to be. for all i know, i've already told you how i feel towards you and i respect your decision. for me, at the very least, i did all i could and that's enough for me. (i think so)

are you letting fate taking you to whatever you're suppose to go?

marriage is never a piece of paper. it's all about a man and a woman, who wants to take the rest of the many challenges of life together.

2009-10-03T12:49:00.002+08:00

have you ever seen a guy smile and you know he is smiling from deep within? i did. he smiled just like a child. we've a good story about an asshole and an auntie. he gets mad when i call him an asshole and auntie is just too much for me to handle.

anywae, entangle productions did a great job on the opening of a new vessel. the opening was great..to quote edmund toh (emcee) - "i have never see so much confetti before!" i always tell gary that i want my wedding to have fireworks..but i wanna change my mind now. my wedding will be with colourful balloons flying into the sky and lotsa lotsa confetti and most importantly, CHAMPAGNE.

my girlfriends will be all so thrilled if they know they will be having so much champagne. right, serene? anywae, that's my wishful thinking. if my husband says no...denn i can't have it. but i'd still hope for room for negotiation.

every girl will definitely thought about her big day before..and man usually gets freak out if they know their partner already thought so far. mind oh mind..as long as he doesnt pee in his pant, i think it's still acceptable. anywae, just dont freak out.

i would say.. i wanna register for my marriage first, den one year later den throw a wedding dinner banquet. i would like to register my marriage in the day time, at a certain venue, with colurful balloons and confetti, buffet and champagne. it will be like an event, maybe like an english wedding..sounds and dance. so COOL. clothes: tube short tulle dress, smashing 5inch white diamonte heels. (if my boyfriend is tall enough) not forgetting, french manicure.

i havent thought about my wedding banquet..i don't know what wedding dress will be yet but it's definitely blink blink! i am excited for nothing now. HAAHAA.

i think i better move today, since i will not be available over next few weeks. i wanna go malaysia and indonesia. planning planning..go overseas.

gary, i am waiting for you for indonesia trip! snail.

2009-10-01T12:34:00.003+08:00

whatever that i said, does it still stand if today i live on with a new perspective?

to be able the handle the cold hard truth...will i get even more hurt?

this is the raw! RAW!

sometimes, i really don't think i am so freaking naive. when it comes to the feelings of the heart, i tend to let it flow naturally, au natural. i am stephanie, age 24, met two men in her life whom she she thought could give her the happiness that she will always deserve. these two man share many thoughts and ways in common. even the feelings they give me...are almost the same. still, they are different.

luke, i have never spend time with him before. i have only seen him 3times in my whole damn life. i dont think...i remember how he looked anymore. the day he told me he left for lisbon..i gave up. he disappear as and when he likes. he is almost like david copperfield.

i don't need to mention more about the other guy. i think there is something wrong with me, i always end up going out with man...who has problem. i reckon God deem them too perfect as man and therefore....he got create some problem for them. HAHA.

quote russell peters,

"buddha buddha, come here!" the indian god said.

"what?!?" replied buddha

"i am going to have a group of dark people....cover all of them up with hair and make them live in the hottest part on earth."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

( i cant remember the joke wordd by word...sooo, this is the simplified version)

mercy by one republic

"...angel of mercy

how did you find me?

where did you read my story?

pulled from the papers

desperate and hardened

seeking a momentary fix..."

".....somebody is going to get hurt real bad...."

2009-10-01T02:16:00.003+08:00

i just spoke to adam.

not to my surprise, we went on well and calm over the telephone. we always seem to agree with each other....and even when we share a different viewpoint on certain stuff, respect kicks in. this is the thing that i really like about us. he kept mentioning about chemistry and intimacy...do we share the kinda sparks that we always wanted in our lives? there are so many questions that i wish i have all eternity with him to find out but....sadly, we have concluded our journey tonight.

for the record, we didn't sleep together. (if you are wondering)

i love talking to him. i love being with him and i love him for being able to accept me. if the love calculator does work, our score will be like 98.743569%. i don't know if he would one day read this..but i am still going to say...

given a choice, i want to still stay with you and allow things to happen the way it suppose to go, whether at the end of the day, we are to part or stay together. when you introduced me to joseph formally, i felt so proud, so proud. i had so much fun at sentosa, even though it rained. the rain didn't dampen our spirits or stop us from having even more funnnn. your company at timbre rocked my world upside down..beer after beer, jokes after another and we got us landed at velvet then east coast park! HAHA. my god. i wonder how we managed our breakfast after that. i will never forget about the exciting man u and man city match at man u cafe. we cheered so hard and we were cracking our head so bad over dinner at great world city for you-know-what.

gary loves me very much and i know you love me very much too. otherwise, you wouldn't have bothered so much to consider my emotions. we didn't meet by chance, neither fate was so powerful that got us together. i believe we made it happened ourselves. what more can i ask for when i have two older man who loves me so much...to not let me get hurt.

i am happy right now. i just got myself straighten out. damnit. while i was writing this, something struck me really hard. how come i didnt think of this earlier?

to gary: i know you love me very much and you wouldnt wanna see me cry. very much, i wanna adhere to your advice...i still wanna be with adam for now. i would be safer with adam than any other guy outside. if anyone was to ask you about anything between adam and me, just refer them to me. i am an adult already...you already done your part to be here for me and i wanna tell you, I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH TOO. you always give me your best and i have not let you down yet and i hope in my lifetime.... i never have to let you down at all. you gotta admit the fact that you're THE MAN in my life, even if you hate to be name that way. HAHA.

okae, time to sleep and i've a long day for tomolo. friday will be the ship event. yea! i see if i can meet angelina over the weekends. i am having a life nowwwww...tell me about it.

2009-09-30T16:39:00.003+08:00

lately, so many things had happened and there will be many things happening soon. who doesn't have many things happening soon? (aiight, i am a RETARD.)

it's 5pm already and i need to get out my house at 5:30pm. so let's make it short and sweet.

i have got a confession to make. this is hard, i do not know how would i be look at after this post but i don't feel good when i am not transparent. therefore, here i go.

last night

i went to a nightclub.

i got pissed for 5mins when adam hung up on me because he was in the shower.

(i knowwww, i'm stupid! but, i just hate the feeling when someone just hang up on me. urgh!)

oh yes, i like adam and he has already proposed to his girlfriend.

my new colleague whom i've never see before, told me that i am very pretty and he wants to drink with me again.

a management guy told me that i am pretty and sexy.

i felt bad when sharlene drank so much and she broke into cold sweat. i did not do a good job in taking care of her.

i think i am over friendly. when i do networking, i feel like a slut. BIG TIME.

lately, everything that i am doing...makes me feel like a bitch!

FAT SLUTTY BITCH. i feel dirty right now!

i just need to go back and hang out with people that i know and who knows me, to make me feel correct all over again. sometimes...

i wish i didnt have like adam - so that, i didnt screw up his life.

i wish that i never meet kelvin before.

i wish...i can have a more stable living...like permanent place to stay.

i wish..that i've met someone and already gotten married. starting life anew with someone.

oh Lord, gimme the twinkle right now, if wish can come true with a blink of an eye.

(or a rewind button is fine too)

before i forget..last night, daren told me this. if you are confident that the person will be very happy being with you, just go for it. this sentence is so stuck in my head..i cant forget. should i even bother?

2009-09-28T12:15:00.002+08:00

sometimes, i wished that every milestone that i am going to achieve in my life will be smoother. yet, if none of these things had happened, i wouldnt be stronger than ever.

for you who dont know about me... here's a piece of it.

mother - indonesian

father - singaporean

___________________________________________

MY MOTHER
mother's first marriage - to an indonesian
outcome = 1 girl 3 boys (3 married)

mother's second marriage - to a singaporean (my father)
outcome =2 girls 1 boy

mother's third marriage - to a singaporean (my stepdad)

outcome = 1 girl

___________________________________________

MY FATHER

father's first marriage - to an indonesian (my mother)
outcome =2 girls 1 boy

father's second marriage - to a malaysian ( my ah yeee)

outcome = 1 boy

___________________________________________

therefore, i've many brothers and sisters. it took me alot of effort and time for me to accept what's of my past, or rather, my mother's past. in any case, i learned to accept them and we are one big family now. i am happy, very happy. for those who are sick and upset over family breaking up or whatever it can be, along the line of family..i understand. sometimes, it's better dead being alive. human, instead of solving problems, tends to create more troubles for themselves. oh well, back to work.

2009-09-24T16:03:00.003+08:00

how can i remember you forever? i am scare that i will not be able to remember you anymore. i don't wanna ever forget you. i am having so much pain for a headache..the pain is not just in the head, it is also in my heart.

ANY MAN, ANY MAN can break my heart, walk out of my life in one minute and i still wouldn't feel so broken. but, not you.

even though, you dont talk much to me...but i knew, i know and i will always know that you love me very much. you gave me the love of a father but you are forever gone.

uncle, i will miss you.

2009-07-17T03:52:00.005+08:00

as many of you would know that i am troubled over my love. i am still undecided and i am leaving it on its own for now. i should be concentrating on myself. i need to renew my faith with God and i need to be reborn again. i wanna make changes to myself.

i need to grow up!

there are many people who care for me and i neeed to recipocrate the love back. otherwise, i am and i will be letting them down. God, give me strength.

2009-07-08T16:41:00.000+08:00

i am going crazy. AHH!

find only me.

2009-06-23T04:14:00.004+08:00

when i only find me at the end of the tunnel. it will be rather disappointing and expect-able. i always take the gamble with you. i am not sure if i should gamble again. is it worth it? when will you be back...when will you come back to me and spend all eternity lying on my lap?

i miss you so much but i love you more. i know you enjoy the freedom that you are having and i will not stop you from having it.

at the end of the day, will it affect my decision for you?

i whisper in silence, "come back to me, baby."

2009-05-13T01:03:00.003+08:00

oh gosh! i just finished revamp-ing my blog. so tired. set up another shoes blog as well. will update later..

long post

2009-04-21T14:16:00.014+08:00

sorry, i've been very busy with my work, running around places and trying to get many things done. i am having this muscle pain that could probably break me into tears. i need to go massage or find my father to help me massage to relieve the pain.

okay, it's a very long time since i last blogged. let me update you accordingly to what had happened.

on the 17th
i had dinner with leo and then we went for juliana's birthday celebration at discovery bar (thai pub). leonard and i went into thai express and the food seriously suck during peak horrible hours. the green curry laksa was almost white and my tom yum soup noodles was lukewarm, not forgetting the watermelon lime drink was SOUR!! they forgot to add sugar into my drink. *urgh. it was depressing.

thennn, we joined juliana and friends at about 11ish. most of her friends are model..and i was super dress down. i dun think i am not attractive, i was under dress and therefore, i looked like the biggest bimbo. my role exchanged, i was un-justified. (nvm, it's overrrrr. i will let it happened again)

on the 18th
it was a saturday. i was starting my day at my mon's bridal shop. i need to improve the system that this shop already have and hopefully more people will know about the shop. *wink. about 1900hrs, i met up with mr_g. we had dinnner at soup restuarant, watched 17 again and thereafter we bidded goodbye and went home. i was a relaxing evening 'cause i reached home about 12ish and i caught a show at 9plus. this was something that i haven't done in like 456453 days. i was very satisfied and contented.

on the 19th
i was at my mom's bridal shop at noon. yes, i did the same usual things when i am here. i try to co-ordinate with people and talked businesss. picked up calls, arrange appointments for people's weddding dresses. i am thinking along the line of market penetration. sooo, i need to carry on thinking about it. when i've sth in mind, i will post it online and let you know. be my biggest support, okay?

so what's on the 20th? it was doom's day, by the way. 1200hrs, mom's shop. 1400hrs, received a call. it was from izah (edmund's secretary). "steph, can you come at 1700hrs to meet edmund (director) and kelvin (boss) at office?" i said okae. 1700hrs, meeting at office.. three of us thrash things out and we haven't come out to any conclusion yet but i guessed more or less, it should be okay. i am looking forward to hear from both of them. sooo, doom's day still wasn't so bad.

1930hrs, i met evelyn (my sq batch girl). we chatted for sooo sooo sooo long, till like 1045hrs. i had so much laughter and love from meeting my batch girl. she is still so jovial, no wonder she so hot stuff. i think i also need to be like her, den i can be hot stuff too. (wahahhaha) we were talking about planning a trip to europe next year.. and i am thinking if i wanna go to europe, i will go for a month 'cause i do not wanna waste the air ticket to europe by going there for like under 2 weeks. anywae, i am meeting her this fridae, 2pm. we are going to celebrate our joined SQ day together with our fellow batch people. i am so lookin forward to it to meet all meet all my HOT STUFF!

let's talk about what happened and what's going to happen today. what are my thoughts and what are my feelings and perspectives.

1100hrs breakfast with samuel and sharlene
1300hrs mom's shop
1800hrs meeting with sharlene
1900hrs tellenite at toa payoh office
2200hrs going to clubhse to meet andra and bruce to do change of advisor.

i will survive today and i will wake up early tomorrow to start my exercise regime. woah, i am muaching on chocolate chips cookies and talking about my exercise regime, how convincing! sharlene and i are suppose to meet like 0830 for exercise at toa payoh but we didn't make it. i am so lousy, i gotta try again tomorrow. i need to exercise! otherwise, i am going to be horribly FAT!

i felt so bad that samuel had to wait for sharlene and me for so damn long. good thing that he is a nice person. otherwise, anyone else would have flipped and fleeee away from me.. stayed tuned for another post.. be right back.

thanks for tuning in to steffi's gossip column

saddd

2009-04-17T16:08:00.006+08:00

fucking sadddd! so many things happened. it's so difficult to put them down in words.

how're you? did you have fun since you last read my blog? yesterday, i was going through my blog and i realise that i do not have archieves. i think i may need to seach for another blog skin *wink do you like this video. this song is really really good for many many people who are in love. it says don't take everything for granted. you might never go back to where you started. check out the subtitles.

today, i quarrelled with my kelvinhong(boss) over my pay. he is giving me nonsense, i think i am going to call finance side and ask for my pay. i do not wanna be poor for this month again. i do not think that kelvinhong(boss) is horrible..perhaps my working style with him is almost impossible to come hand in hand. but i love manulife so, i am going to ignore him.

guys, max might have to delay coming back. they won the s$1,000,000 case in tazania, they are going to start the project really soon. it is a piece of good news for maxkoh. when there is recession everywhere in the world, maxkoh close a s$1 million deal. maxkoh told me it's a small case but i still send him my best regards. i hope he can make more money for company and he can run for another promotion (:

last nite, my mom and stepdad fought, spitted saliva on each other and my mom called to police. my stepdad is a horrible man. he doesn't give in to woman and he always want to win in everything that he does. he is never kind or considerate. he cares for himself , he is extremely selfish.

i am like double blow to me. last night, the police came to my house and todae, my boss gives me bullshit like i will not have pay for this month. what the fuck! somehow or rather, people around me doesn't seems to be making enough effort. why is that soooo? i really wonder.

by the wae, it was comforting to tell maxkoh. i think he really understand... but everything is too early to tell. wait and see see see.

i went to the bank, i got the atm card for my company. i had lunch with jason and now i am at my mom's bridal shop. in the evening, i need to go chimjes to celebrate my dear friend, juliana's big 3. laugh. i think it's going to be my turn soon. it's so scary 'cause it's only a few years away.

alright, i need to get to work and loook at my jewellries and improve on my mom's shop and follow up on my client for my investment side. dear friends, if you're looking into investment and hope to get a good returns in 3-5 years or if you do not mind waiting longer for even better returns..let me know. i know what to do for you (:

oh, dear dear dearest friends, thanks for being with me during these period of tough times. i know my temper is not controllable and i know i might just sign you off. i am very sorry, please forgive me. you know i love you all very much but i just cannot control myself when it comes to my temper which involves work and family.

pleasee forgive me!

grumblingday

2009-04-16T13:01:00.010+08:00

many of you asked, "you got picture of max?"

this is mr_maxkoh.

you must be wondering how his face actually look like, i can tell you, i do not have a picture of how he look.

denn you will say, "this picture so small den somemore not clear...."

denn i will tell you, "but i really don't have anyyyy!"

*****

was it entertaining? laugh. NAH! okae, i am lousy. so what! yesterday, i didn't have the time to blog. i was awake for more than 21hours doing all my things and i headed straight to bed when i was home. i was so lazy and tired that i was so tempted to just fall asleep with my contact lenses and make up still on me. but i stood up strong and courages and i went to wash out. *sooo proud.

so steph, what did you doooooo? (flickering for her counter) *ahemmm.
1100hrs meeting with kelvin (cancelled). 1200hrs mom's bridal shop. 1630hrs met chris from LFI. 1930hrs dinner with chingy (cancelled) so, 1930hrs met mr_z for dinner. 2145hrs winebar@zouk with dexx, ching & roger. 0230hrs finally home. 0330hrs SLEEP. waoliao. so tired lor.. 0930hrs prepare for work.

leonard and i met chris from LFI. chris informed us that LFI is launching jewellries by DeFRED. i saw the catalogue, it's all fully made to measure for my own fingers. it's all diamonds and white gold. droool. best grade diamonds and clarity is awesome. same manufacturing company from Tiffany&Co. but.. half the price cheaper. damn nice! i am going to get my diamonds from there 'cause they can do special ones. like that other people cannot wear my ring. *teeheehee

dinner with mr_z was at great world city. i don't think i can go out with him again. i didn't feel very comfortable. his hands cannot keep to himself. what the fuck! *ohh, he told me a secret of his.. the only time he wear underwear is when he wear boardshorts. he likes commando styleeee. if you like commando style, tell me. i will introduce the commando hunk to youuuu. *yumiili-pui-pui-pui

winbar@zouk was fun. we organised quite a few events for all of us to go out together as a group. we are going to have pot luck & wine session, tree top walk, bintan / batam trip and also another taipei trip next march. i think we are a bunch of crazy people. i love drinking sesssion at zouk, that is a place that brings people together but we may be change place 'cause zouk's crowd is really getting young, younger, youngest. *boohoo shitty! i am getting OLD!

ching sent me home thereafter. we spoke quite abit in the car. i haven't talked to her like for a very very long time and i know that we are really drifting apart. i feel abandon when i am with her, like she doesn't need me any more in her life. it saddens me but i think i am going to just stay in track with her and be grey.. she told me strongly that i shouldn't interfere with her finances with chris about their life in the future. she poured out to me that she nearly lost liz and jiayi over the financing issue. i think she was trying to tell me, if i keep telling her about the finances thing, i willl lose her as a friend. anywae, i was too tired to talk very much so i told her. " okay, from onwards, i will not talk to you about your finances with chris anymore. i am just concern that's why brought it up. but yea, i will not talk about it anymore." i ended off den i headed home to sleep already. i respected her choice and i shall keep my mouth shut from now on.

i didn't speak to mr_max for two days already. i have beeen really busy to the BRIM! of course, i think he is also busy 'cause he also didn't leave me very long messages. sooo, i guessed. he is really not very serious afterall. wah! i feel that i went to heaven and back. disappointed but at least i went to heaven before. but then again, i am jumping out of thing too fast. i just get along with the thing first... there after then decide. aiya, our timing also different. when i wake up he sleep, when he sleep i wake up. fuck, man! why are there such things like gmt?

okaee. so much grumbling, can't stand you, steph. steph's reply: CANNOT AH?!

okae lah! okae lah! i am going go and continue my work. catch me back at the next post. you know you love me, xoxo.

kelvinhong(boss) CANCELLED the meeting this morning. 11am meeting, 11am msged me cancel. he went drinking last night...den this morning, unwell. vomitted on the way meeting me. nvm, i can take a break. i am sleepy todae also.

2009-04-15T06:32:00.001+08:00

fucking hell! i woke up at 0625hrs.

i want to get back to bed.

i keep dreaming, dreaming and dreaming!

*urghhhhhh

on my own

2009-04-14T23:41:00.010+08:00

this picture is so sereneeeee.

everone should take time off, at least once, from everything in their life. relaxing is for the tired soul and the on-going battling mind. this kinda break is so goooooood and more orgasmic den orgasm, it will keep you asking for more. *wink

today, i felt that i am really leading a very single life. i didn't talk to max at all and i didn't feel that i needed anyone. i feel balance or i should say, i can handle myself better with regards to my well being, emotions and the love love part.

i was sharing with sharlene about me feeling very vexed for that last two week but i am getting better. i was really lost about my life and my momentum was gone, it was killing me big time. i was struggling badly, really badly. i needed to get back on track but i didn't know how but somehow.....i got back. congrats, steffi.

dearloveones, if you're lost someday. do not worry. you will find yourself back, give yourself a little time. you will be fine.

i am hooked to this song by the script - the man who can't be moved. the lyrics is really meaningful and so loved! yummilicious, lovemelicious.

"...cause if one day you wake up and find your missing me

and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth i could be

thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet

and you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street

so i'm not moving i'm not moving...."

i also long for someone who is willing to wait for me like this.

my day cannot be better. i am very occupied, extremely satisified with myself.

1230 mom's eatery

1400 mom's bridal shop

1630 prudential office @ newton

1700 mom's bridal shop

1930 dinner with friends

2200 preparing to sleeep

waoliao, i tell you. i am sorry, sharlene. please pardon me. prudential office is so big that we cannot submit your resignation letter. your boss boss boss dunno where is the bdm's office. you've to go through so many people to tender your resignation. you made two wasted trips there and i hope the third wouldn't go into the big garbage. otherwise, i am going to knock down your bdm office. *roarrrrr

i gotta confess that it's not a very long day but i am going to fall asleep soon. steffie is lazy bum bum bum *teeheehee

i left online msg for max but he didn't reply me. he is online now but he didn't reply the online msg, i left for him. mr_maxkoh is online now but..... okae, you get my point.

maybe God is telling me that i don't need a MAN at this point of my life.

aiight, i gotta wake up early for meeting with kelvin(boss) at 11am. i need to sleep early so that i wouldn't wake up late and be late. kelvin(boss) will flip as if a martial art guy did the same somersault 2365times. it is that badddd.

guys, be good. i will be good toooooo. i will stop thinking about man, boy-girl-relationship and love. i think to think career. iloveyouuu, dearest.

*BIG HUGS

2009-04-14T00:04:00.000+08:00

mr_maxkoh is home!

sweetness in darkness

2009-04-13T20:40:00.000+08:00

so sweet, right?

do you wanna to be doted this way?
*muahahaha (wait long long ahhh)

can i love you this way too? *neh-ne-neh-ne-boo-boo

okae, what's for dinner? it's hokkien mee. as you would have known, i had a long day. so, i takeout dinner after i finished my facial at salon#1 with my favbeautician, faith. i realli love and hate her very much. i realli hate her when i was at the mercy of her merciless fingers all over my face. tmd! i keep scolding her during facial. i love her 'cause i LOVE her lah!

incident #1

i woke up late! see, i gotta meet samuel at 0930am but i woke up at 0930am. bloody hell. last nite, i cannot fall asleep lah! i tossed and turned on the bed for like 3hrs and finally, i fell aslp at about 5ish. goodness. denn, i reached toa payoh central at 1030am. kelvin msged me at 11am to postpone our meeting 'cause he is still at another meeting and he texted me to meet him after sdk combined unit meeting. i replied, "later after the combined meeting, got andrew goh's seminar. so how? where you want me to go?". he asked me go andrew goh's meeting and our meeting is postponed to wednesdae 11am.

den i just go walked walked with samuel, talk abit about work and relationships.

incident #2

finally, it's one o'clock! there was suppose to be sdk combined meeting. i was there at 1pm and there isn't anyone. i was curious and furious. i msged kelvin and he told me sdk combined meeting cancelled due to andrew goh's talk. i was like okaeeee. den, i went to check email if there was any email sent out regarding meeting cancelled. there are NONE! i msged kelvin again, "why no email sent out for sdk meeting cancelled or ya nv imform me?" he replied," you told me about andrew goh's seminar and i told you to go for andrew goh's semniar right? so meeting cancel. what do you want now?"

fucking angry sia! i was thinking, you want to have meeting with me. den ya cancelled. den thought sdk meeting still stand. den sdk meeting cancelled also never tell me. den our meeting change to wednesday.

you know... yesterdae, i ask him can meeting at 10am or not 'cause i wanna go do something else. he sae cannot 'cause he already got a meeting and thennn say, i must earn my concession for the timings of the meeting. what the fuck? and you know what i go office for?

i go there drink tensed up ex and told tammy don't keeep eating out. *fucking waste my time.

your time is precious den my time is not lah! i could have went to KIA to see my car den go to my mom shop to do things. anywae, forget about it. i going there to work, not to see him bloody face.

enough of work.

today's programme is as of the following:

1030 brunch with samuel plus walk walk till 1pm

1400 andrew goh seminar

1700 facial

1930 home sweet home

so, i blogged and facebook and msn. max supposed to be back already from his holiday trip to namibia but he is not back yet 'cause he havent reply me msn. so irritating. maybe he found a chinese girl that he likes den forget about me already. *roarrrr

sometimes, i just hate MAN! so easily shaken.

it's another work day tomorrow but... i am going to introduce junhui to samuel. i hope junhui can get a better paying job so sharlene can have better life. may all good things all come true for all my love love love ones, including you, evelyn. (get that alps man!) *meow..kittykat

i gotta go wash out and change out and whatever out. wait for max to come online and he better. otherwise, it's gonna be another sleepless night. *big hugssss

tu amor!

how's your day, my dear?

2009-04-13T01:50:00.000+08:00

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes

-16 year age gap-

This gorgeous couple remains happy and fun loving in spite of the Hollywood drama that seems to always surround them. Tom Cruise reportedly fell in love with Katie at first sight and bought her a ring a week after their first date.

*****

how is you doing? are you missing me? do you need my post to keep you occupied for like a few minutes of your time? *teeheehee

i have been thinking about the 16yrs age gap thingy. actually, it doesnt bother me that much but my friends around me are more concern. (haha) check this out, man! tom cruise and katie holmes. i have someone to look up to? hmmm..

i did not go to church today. i was sleeping like a BIG FAT BABY. i need to sleep as much as possible, to look forever young. i was lazing in bed and i finally get out of bed at 2pm. can you believe it? i am realli getting very lazy. i was online, on facebook, on msn and trying to keep myself occupied.

then, mom called. asked me to accompany her to turf city to see car. my family is getting a car. *wheeee

but we walked around turf city, there is nothing much and i suggested to her to get KIA CERATO FORTE. it's about $43k and it looks like an audi. haha. we are going to see the car tomorrow. i am very excited even though i do not haf driver's license.

after turf city, i accompanied mummie to work. we went viewing together at potong pasir for her two prospective client. one of them is interested in that place. i hope mummie can get the deal. the place is really nice, opposite st.andrew school and it's about $410k. it's realli worth it.

after viewing, mummie and me came home and we do our own things. i played mahjong, make up some appointments and plan my day for tomorrow. gosh, i am really busy for a monday. i do not believe it..

0930 breakfast with samuel

1100 meeting with kelvin (boss)

1300 see car with mummie (to be confirm)

1430 andrew goh talk at spring singapore

1900 facial

my day very pack right? i suppose to go to the shop tomorrow. now i really wonder how am i going to make it. i believe mr_koh will be back by monday. yeah! i am lookin forward to hooking up with him. i will let you know the good news! stay tune..

good nite! *yawn

missmissyouuuu.

saturday after midnight

2009-04-11T20:35:00.000+08:00

i heart this picture. this picture is so sweet. i loveeeee it.

can you feel what am i feeling?

okae! i woke up with a damn big headache. i had hangover. i went to st.james @ 1am. awesome right? roger picked my up and we headed off to his friend's b'dae party. the b'day boy is cute man. so gayish, i really like. we were playing 5-10, i keep losing. i am still so lousy. *bleah.

so what did i do todae? almost nothing. haha. no lahhh! okae. i woke up officially at 4ish, i showered and got myself cleaned up. i spoke to sharlene and alvin on msn. i cooked and ate 2packets of indofood mee goreng, had lotsa water and i watched tellyyy. it's a relax dae!

i am going to church tml and after which, i should come home and get my SHIT all pack up. i am really a very messy girl. my mummie cant stand it. i cant stand it any longer too.

i just painted my toe nails RED. haha. i miss painting my nails. i miss my nails that looks really really nice. they just make me happy. i wanna do my nails all over again. i need and want to look very very good. i want to paint them red and put diamonds on them. heehee. mr_koh will like it 'cause mr_koh like red colour.

i think mr_koh should be coming back soon from namibia. he talks to me everyday, you know. we will joke and talk many many things. he will ask me how's my day. it has been two days that no one ask me how's my day. *humphx. i really dun like him going away. should i join him at his bangkok trip? hmmm.

joyce was asking me about mr_koh taking over leo's position in my heart. i told her it's not take over. it is the fact that i have tried hard enough for leonard already and things doesnt turn out the way, it suppose to...what's the point right? anywae, i think leonard has got a certain charm that i always fall head over heels for... but he is not stable or successful or from rich family background. i just dun feel secure. i need to have security, especially in the monetary way. i have been providing for leonard, it is time to change.

i should give myself leeway. i gotta stop being stubborn and learn to take the natural course, i do not need to keep travellng the road that is less travelled. be nice to myself, okae?

you know, i don't know if you like to hear this... but... i need something really badly. ask me, and i will tell you. maybe, in the next post... i will do a port folio of mr_koh. it's going to be fun. hahaha.

time to get off blog. byebye!

in this fashion*

2009-04-10T13:19:00.000+08:00

i wanna get married. i wanna get married in this style, in this fashsion. i will marry youuu.

i made two sinful purchases when i really do not have money in my bank account. i need to start working very hard for money to come into my pocket. on the serious note, i seem to have lost the drive and passion that i had for myself. the drive and passion that i had before, i need to find them back.

i am a fp right now and i really do have alot alot of time in my hand but i do not know how to spend it wisely. i spent alot of time thinking about so many things and i strongly believe that i am over-thinking right now and not putting my thoughts into action. (what the fuck, am i doing man?) oh, i need to tell you. i feel so restricted about myself right? last time, i always talk about myself and so happy to tell people about myself, what's going on in my life. i can talk so much till the cows come home and i would stilll be talking about myself. that was how happy i was with myself!

now, i need to get a back on my life. i cannot keep going on this way. i need to start working out my life. stephanieeee, you only live once! make it worth it! make sure other make it worth while for you too.

OKAY!

time to start afresh! i am ready, very ready. max will not be around to keep me company for the next few days, so i gotta be more independent. i gotta work out on my own. if i make it, he will also feel very happy. he will think that i am very capable, like he didn't make a wrong choice.

OKAY!

********************

today will mark a new chapter in stephanie's life. she will share all the good things in her life and all the good happening in her work! wheeee...

it's good friday! i need to catch up with people, i havent gotten to. all the friends that i've known till now are worth my every single minutes... let's go, guys... we need a life together

i spoke to jimmylew online. we caught up like old times. jim, you're sucha schweeet darlings. i really really love youuu. come back to singapore soon and stop staying in BORING brisbane. hahahaha.

i am going to have maggie mee breakfast, lunch & dinner. den write down all the things that i need to do and get myself started. this sundae, i am going to do volunteer work, i am very excited. i will blog about it more when it is sundae.

currently, i am going through all my online conversation with max. they are all so funny and witty. the jokes are wicked and i can't but feel smarter. (i am putting my brains into good use.)

*****

max is a funny guy, he makes me crack up like mad and really hope that i am happy everyday. i was reading those online conversation, he mentioned that he wanna help make my dreams come true. that's so sweet lah. but i cannot make one of his dream come true. that is.... he want to make his son president. *faint* okae, i need to try it out with him. i truly and really believe that he worth my every effort. perhaps, he is different. different from the others. i hope you stay this way, we are happy together in this way(:

alright, it's a long post. i am going to find something to eat and write down stuff for my work and love. HEEHEE.

lastly,

iheartyou,love. bye!

i have been realli good.

2009-03-03T23:47:00.000+08:00

listening to: clay aiken - everything i have

"...If I could be the perfect man in your eyes
I would give all I'm worth to be a part of your life
I could promise the world but it's out of my hands
I can only give you everything I have..."

**********

todae, it's a long day at work. I am very happy that my day is all filled up with work and work. I just need to close case this month.

God, please help me.

Love,
stephie

for youuu

2009-03-01T21:21:00.000+08:00

seriously, why do you like to go all out to really make me so angry?
you're really damn good at it.
may i know, what is wrong with these people?

$#%^%&^

i know i can make it.
i am just lazy.

if you know what kinda person i am.
i like having a system to work on.
i like being organise.

pls dun ask me to go and meet people when i am half-fuck.
i will feel crap.

i can work my wae out on those punk and youngster.
not the professionals okayyyyy??

you just like to piss me offf...
FUCK YOU BACK!

the sweet nothings*

2009-02-27T23:49:00.000+08:00

when i hold you close to my side, i can't help but feel so safe with you.

i know that you will fall head over heels for me.

i can sense it.

i have never feel so secure before.

i can sleep in your arms,

i know that i will still have tomorrow with you by my side.

you will not leave me.

*****

how are you, my dearest girlfriends? i am still single and bubbly. kaili, i can't help but feel that single is so so so good. now, i know what are you single for so long. *wink wink

my batch boy dropped me a bomb and told me he is getting insurance from me. i was shocked. i was still cracking my head on how to approached him for business but he came to me. i am oozing with joy and flattering butterflies in my stomach. i am starting to see some buds growing from those seeds i planted. POW!

nothing makes me happier den getting my work done. i wanna dance so hard until i dont have energy to breath. *teeheehee

if you believe that dreams come true

there is one that's waiting there for you.

if you believe..

with love..

pack my table and move into a room.

2009-02-17T16:15:00.000+08:00

1330hrs: driving

1600hrs: meeting with edmund

1700hrs: quotations, emails, proposals..

i came into office afternoon and i've been busy til now. i am sick as well.

alright, my sister receive flowers from her JJ at school. haha. she is so embarassed. it has been awhile since i last receive flower.

oh well, tough luck for me. get back to work for me.

as many of you would know, the gm is after me....

urgh!

2009-02-16T12:23:00.000+08:00

I have a meeting at 1pm.

my client just flew me one small aeroplane. He called me up for travel insurance last minute. I accepted his request but he ended up decided to go down to Martin House to get it done directly. DAMN it.

but it's a small case, he only want the travel insurance for the week. so fuck it!

BAD DAY! *bleah

Praise the LORD!

2009-02-12T14:13:00.000+08:00

Listening to: 泪的方向

David Tay: how are you doing? you got miss all ya dear friends on earth or not? i know ya can hear all of our hearts that goes out to you.

my dear friend, david tay, passed away slightly more than a week already. i was quite sad that he chose to commit suicide. he really has got guts, boy! but wherever he is now, i know he is going to be alright. i hope God is taking good care to him.

*****

how my day like?

i feel good, extraordinarily good. it is like something is going to happen. it feels like something powerful, wonderful and beautiful is going to happened. erm, i am not sure what will be(:

this saturday is valentine's day, i am looking forward but to what, i am not sure. aiya, i am just happy that there is a valentine's day. heehee.

work work work, like usual. i need new and creative ideas to help me bring across a certain message about retirement to my client. i am getting on it. i am going to be a retirement planning QUEEN! haha. i will be the best, you bet!

i think it's quite obvious that i am overjoy todae.

okae lah! gotta end here. continue work. bye bye!

i love you! and you, you, you, you, you..

hahaha. okae lah! you know who lahhhhhhhh...

yours personally,
stephanie goh
financial planner, financial services
synergy wealth planner (represents)
manulife (singapore) pte ltd

2008-12-16T23:52:00.000+08:00

where is my xing fu?

where is my kuai le?

christmas is coming. people preparing christmas dinner for gfs and all.

i might be spending christmas all alone ):

it's just getting use to it, i hope.

ohh, baby!

2008-12-16T22:52:00.000+08:00

i really think that my life really suck.

i wanna move out of the freaking house, i cant stand all the shoutings and noise. i can hardly find a space for myself at home.

i have been trying to stay sane and positive. i am living by the edge, which is going to kill me someday.

i am single, which really suck! i am just gonna keep going out. i dun wanna date anymore. enuf of same dates and different guy.

i need a MAN!

10c comments

2008-12-14T21:09:00.001+08:00

hello! it's recession but... SO WHAT?!?

the clubs are pack,
coffee are getting more expensive at starbucks,
erp is still soaring,

basically,
life still goes on(:

people are dying,
people are still producing babies.

at some corner of your house,
you are still collecting your favourite magazines.

the clock is ticking,
the sun up and down each day.

i wanna eat jumbo cereal prawns RIGHT NOW!
i just do whatever, i want.

stop giving yourself excuses,
get your ass cracking,
and stop leaving off ya folks at home.

get a job, get a life for goodness sake.

start saving money and live a life with a lifestyle that you want!